MONEY

money is made thru jobs and 'other' less-suiteable endevors and is used to by loads of things. contrery to popolar beleif money can be used to by everything there is EXCEPT things which canot be bought simply becuse they have no monetariy value.

As with most thigns in life, money was both invented and descovered. It was discovered in the sense that some people relized that certain things have more value than others. animal pelts, salt, sugar, cotton, gold, silver, that sort of stuff… there was much trading going on and the values of thing were constantly changing of course becuase of thigns called varybles. Sometimes you can’t get a lot of gold, sometimes you can’t catch enough animals to skin, and this sort of thing makes a commodity scarse. And when something is scarse it is rare. And it is then VALUABLE.

Trading of goods wasn’t always possible cos people wanted to acquire items withot having to trade their own goods and this was wear money came in. people would trade things for items which were basically ‘valued’ according to the item they traded. There were pieces of bone and maybe nice-looking stones, etc… but these were all just placeholders for value and were’nt actually valuable themselves. Everntually people would begin to employ bits of gold to do the job and there was a sort of standardizasion to how the pieces of gold looked, etc… and it was almost at this point that you culd say you had rudimenatry coinage in circulation!

So, as you can see, this was how money was both discovered and invented. And then what happened? Well, a third thing! The ROMANS came along and perfected money! They said ‘look at all these bits of gold floating about they all look quite similar but we can go a bit better than that’, so they stamped a picture of a surly old women on there and HEY PRESTO! we have some decent money! The Roman culture flourished with money and it wasn’t long after this that they discovered taxes, roads, aqueducts, the Caeserian section, and pizza. And that, my frend, is the power of money right there. It can build a civiliazion right up from the ground. But, BEAWARE, becuos money is a fickle mistress and she can also destory entire places, just ask Greeece or Zimbobwe.

At this stage, the coins themselves were still cast from gold so they were worth there wait in gold or whatever, but nowadays, gold is too expensive to make money for common people so some clever clogs then thought ‘you know what? I should trick everyone in the world into believing that little peices of paper can be used to represent value and that the cogs of the mashine can be oiled and move sweetly to th sound of printed money’ and that was just what he did. He might have been Aemrican, but I do not know. That is basically the history of money from day 1 up until this point in time and just about now all that’s really going on with money is people are either too poor or too rich or they are in det, or they are China.

There are all differnt kinds of money across the world and this is only because people cannot agree on which money looks and feels the best. For this reason, we have all different-looking money. It is the way of the woreld, I’m afriad. If we all had the same money life would be dull, people would probably go about saying ‘this money looks rubbish, why is this odl lady frowning at me all the time?’ So we each use different monies and the values of the moneies change from time to time based on world affairs like bad weather or bad people. Or bad Government. Every country in the world basically has differnt money except for those countrys which do’nt.

So, yes, money is used to buy things in life. typically what happens in lif is you get told that money is quite important. You get told ‘money makes the world go ROUND’ and then you get tricked into thinking you have to liv in that kind of world. You go to school and maybe varsity then so that you can be educated and then get a job. Once yor finished with school and maybe varsity you have to pay for it, unless you have nice parents. So you pay for it by getting a job. You do the job to pay for the house where you live so you can be near the job and so that you can drive to the job too. you make money at the job and you try to save it away but you can’t erally because petrol is going up and so are taxes. Also, you’ve just sat yor kids down and sed ‘kids, money makes the world go round, here is your lunchbox, don’t talk to strangers’ and so you have to pay for them so that one day they can get jobs too in the future. also, your parents are getting on now and they ned a bit of money to support themselves and buy soft foods because ther teeht are bad and also ‘a tin of something for the cat’.

You go to the job and typically you complain about the job and why you don’t like the job but you DO the job still and you look at your calendar and say to yorself ‘hmmm, i wonder what the Cayman islands are like this time of year… or Antartica…’ then you sit at your desk again and push a pencil or lick an envelope or whatever it is you do at your job. Remember to be thankful you have the job though because there are lots of people who DO’NT have a job and, just think, if you didn’t have a job you couldn’t have time off from the job and go on a holydays! :D

Money is at the heart of jobs. You do the job so you can get the money so that you can buy stuff which helps you be alive and continue doing the job until you can’t do it anymore. It is a viscous cycle. And that is why they say ‘money is the root of all evil’.

Don’t just JUMP at the offerd price though! you can try to get the person to sell it to you for cheeper by using fast talking and being savvy. That is haggling. This is an example of hagglign:

Me: Hullo! That is a fine Justin Timerbalke compact disc you have there, good sir!

Salesman: Why, yes! It is the best, everyone knows.

Me: It is a bit too sharp on my pocket though, sadly…

Salesman: Ah, well, then…

Me & Salesman: LET US HAGGLE!

(Now you shake hadns quickly, be firm when doing this)

Salesman: this is the latest compact disc from Justin and that price is rather fixed, sir. I have a business to run here, I’m afraid.

Me: I tell you, sir, not five minutes ago I was in a shop nearby and that gentleman would’ve vended me the same compact disc at a reduced price.

Salesman: I can offer you a slight saving if you take this two for one offer right HERE

Me: but I do not like this other Justin fellow. His voice is too nasally and stings the ers. Aslo, I doNOT agree with those lyrics of his.

Salesman: why not give it to a frend? Or an enemy who you DO NOT like?

Me: that is a fine idea! Christmas is coming up!

Me & Salesman: A DEAL IS STRUCK

(Shake hands, exchange moneys)

Just remember to not be rude wen haggling as it is a GENTLEMANS PURSUTE.

People often say ‘that is pricless’ or ‘you can’t put a pricetag on that’ but, if it’s a real object you can do wahtever you want to it. unless it’s a person. You CANT do that sort of thing anymore. You can buy islands or fancy cars, the best animals, a beachfront masnion, you can even use money to buy things whihc don’t exist yet and this is called research! You jjsut need to have an idea of what you want and then you say to the scienstist ‘hey, we need more edible plates around here, get on that. STAT!’ and he’ll go and sciens it up if he has enough money.

The only things that are priceslss in life are odd things, I’ll tell yuo. Things like ‘putting your feet up in front of a warm fire’ or ‘when yor puppy licks you on the face and breaths on you’ or ‘when you hold hands with your sweeetie’ or ‘the smell of pinecones’. though these things are a bit odd, they are definiely worth trying to obtain, especially the puppy one.   

This is a list of those things money can't buy:

                1. real-life Dragons.

                2. woreld peas

                3. 'real' proper love* (<- this is an ASterix it means yuo need to look at the bottom of the page for more informatin)

                4. Bruce Wills to come to yor berthday partey BUT  this is unconfirmed.

and that's about it. If it's not here than you can probably by it with mony. If you have any ideas for other things which money can’t by then tell me please. If you know how to get Bruce Wilils to come to my berthday partey please private message me when you can. overall, I would say that money is rather important these days. I dont have too much of it but I get a long. it's just a little bit of give-and-take when it come sto this ‘funny old life’. as such, I am going to give money a 5/10 because even though it is the ‘root of all evil’ and can be used to buy guns, it can also be used to buy cats and puppies and even get Bruce Willis to your party MAYBE.

* you may have nottissed that I sed 'reel' love. this is becuase love is subjectiv to alot of people. evenshully i will reveiw love on here. when i say 'reel' love i mean that you fele incompleet when you are not togethr with your true love and that they will laff at any jok you tell even if its not funney. BUT you can by other types of love from dodgey people and i wuld rather not go into detales abowt that sort-of-thing.

flying

Since the dawn of the time man has looked up the skies and thot ‘gosh, there’s a lot of space up there, I wonder if I could ruin that somehow’. This, coupled with noticing the flites of swallows or some other bird mammal was probably what cuased the inquest into getting man airbone. flying is never a one-man prosess UNLESS you are a bird than you can do it by yorself. othewies you have to do it with something else liek a microlite an airplain or a jetpack.  

Today we’ll be talking abot flying. Well I’ll be talking and you’ll be listenng and playing clos attention.

The question still remanes to ths day. Was flying invented or discoverd? Well, to be honist, it was actually beoth. everyone knows this, try and keep up. Flying is merely an exntension of jumping or falling. Being up in the air is no big thing, to be fare, it’s maintaneing it that’s the trick.

better luck next time

The Greeks tell myths about the earlyer days of flying in the form of Dedalus and his buddy Icarus. they were a no-nonsense buddy cop duo who travelled around Greece solving various crims. On one particularyl daring escapaed they rigged up a pair of wings for old Icarus to fly up and above a maze guarded some demon bull to try and locate the wherabouts of a princess. However, Icarus got a bit too cocky on this outing and flew too close to the sun and I guess his wings caugth fire or melted or something. I can’t remember. Moral of the sotry is: metal wings. That’s fliying 101 right there.

Leonidas da vinsi was a famous inventor who dabbled with the idea of flight and, to be honest, if he’d had better funding from his research department would’ve probably invented a pretty good aeriplane somewhere in the 1400s. He was Italian (I think) but this isn’t too important in the whole scheme of things. Leoniads was a doodler and when researchrs stumbled upon his scribbling many years after his death they realised that he was ‘A MAN A HEAD OF HIS TIME’ and his ideas weren’t too shabby at all. As such he is often referred to as the ‘father of invention’ or as ‘Leo’ to his close frends.  

WEdnesday, 1903

Flyght was almost discovered at the same time across the world. Yes. Indeed. There were many potential pilots who were hopping to try out their resepcitve aircrafts on the same day. The Wrights just got lucky because they had a desent wind up so that tooke out much of the work. So, yes, flight was invented by the Wright brothers Orville and his brother whose name I can’t remeemember but it was probably something like jeff or Thomas, maybe. They had an uprbgining which encouridged them to question everything about the world in which they livd and one of those questions was ‘why aren’t there more aireoplanes around here?’. They lived near a steep hill which was  plus so they could go up their and test out whateve prototyipes they may have wanted. I can imagine that there were those naysayrs around who tryed to discourage the Wright brothers saying things like ‘have you ever seen people flying about? Exactly. It’s unnatural, we’re only ment to drive about in cars and perform cranial labotomies and fight with rifles’ BUT the Wright brothers wouldn’t listen, NO!, because they were already pushing their latest peace of flight technology down their hill and the sound of the wind rushin past their ears was enough to drown out these sayers of nay. The year was 1903 and it was Wednesdy and man flew successfully for the first time and although it was only 12 secinds or something it was still worth noting.

Some peopel are horribley afraid of flying. It’s a phobia or something, people say, but it’s actually a combination of fears. Firsty, you’re up very heigh and that’s fear of heights right there. Secondly, you aren’t in control of the plane and you have to put your trust the pilot (he flies the plain). Why is this scary? Well, bECAUSE YOU NEVER SEE HIM. And that’s the uncertainty of life right there, my frend. The fear of fyling is a hard one to break… it’s not just a matter of ‘hey, get over it’ because most of the time flying it the only option. There are just some distances you can’twalk or get your mom to drive you to. Sometimes there is the see, yes, but that sort of thing takea long time and there are sharks in there and ive seen a thing or two about sharks that will make you say ‘ho-oh! No sharks for me thanks! I’ll stay on dry land!’  

What can you say for the furuture of flying? Well, alot. We’ve pretty much flown all over the world so that’s got a bit boring. chances are that in the future airplanes may want ot shake things up a bit and take peopel somewhere they haven’t been before. so, either space, or underwaters. So, that’s just freshining up the desitination but the future will also hold more better planes too!  commercial planes that can travel faster than the speed of things! (see: Speed of Sound, speed of sight)these planes will aslso have to hold many more people because there will be a lot of people who think: ‘I definitely need to get to work quickly this morning, I better take the ‘spede of sound’ palane. I shouldn’t have had that lie-in, now I’m late’. Along with speed must come comfort. People want to travel in stiel. I imagine that thes planes will probably have leather seats and their will be a television or two in HD with some 3D just because thats what people need these days. More 3D. All planes of the future will asol have that ‘new car’ smell which is so nice and people will get into the plane and say: ‘mmm, that smeels so nice and new’ and the stewardness will say ‘yes, isn’t it lovely? Please go outside if you want to smoke’.

Well, that’s about it for planes. Planes don’t really have anyy competitin in terms of air travel so it’s pretty hard to give them anything other than a10/10. This score may have to be reassesd when jetpacks and personal terleportes become available to the masses.

  

Spides

This is another tough reveiw for me because I do’nt like spiders. AT ALL. I hate them and; in fact, I think that it may just bais my review of them to some degree. Anyways, here goes.

My mom says that it’s “bad luck to kill a spider’ and I was look her dead in the eye and say ‘it is only bad luck for the spider”. In my honst opinion, the best way to apprecate spiders is once they’re dead. If a spider has been killd then it is no longer of any danger to you. one of the other good ways to view a spider is behind gloss because this creates a much safer environment in whici to watch a spider. Just don’t get too close.

There are lots of different kinds of spiders but they all share pretty common characteristics:

• 8 eyes
• 8 legs
• Make webs to catch food/people
• bad or evil
• hairy
• mostly Black (makes them very hard to see at night. this makes them serious nightmare fuel))
• no hearts..

Spiders can be as small as grain of dirt if they are still baby but some types of spiders can get to be dinner plate size in size. Some spiders are able to catch birds in their webs and will eat them. I’ve also heard it mentioned before that there are spiders capable of carrying of infant children but I cannot confirm or deny this. I can only remember this information if I ever have childrin one day.

Speaking of kids: Spiders can live for long periods of time and can breed prolifically if given the chance. My mom told me once that she once tried to move a spider out of the house with a broom and that spider had babies on its back and when that broom touched the spider in a COMPLETELY NON-THREATENING WAY it lost it and fired all of its babies into the air around her. So, yeah, that. If that happened  to me in my hosue, I would leave. A lot.

There are a few ways you can kill spiders:

Just trample it.!

If the spider is small then try stepping on it. Always wear a shoe when doing this because the spider might have some fight in him otherwise and will bite your foot. You don’t want this. If you’ve got the shoe, use the shoe. If it is ‘A LAST DITCH EFFORT’ and you aren’t waering shoes you may just have to risk being bit. Choose your least favorite foot in case the spider is poisonous.

There are types of spray which can kill spiders and these are nice because they can be used from a distance, a great distance. Guns can also be used from a distance and if the spider is quite big they can be used effectively. I don't know if spiders ever slep. i've never gotten close enough to check if their eyes are closed. I think they are always active because they know people are always trying to kill them.

Spiders tend to twitch when they are dying. Watch this closely until they stop. Do not look away.

If you can’t kill a spider then the best thing to do is avoid it. If the spider persists, you might have to leave the room. If the spider follows you, well then you have a spider who has a grudge and you may just have to leave that house and find a new one to live. I’m sorry. These things happen.

Some people will tell you that spiders are ‘not doing anyone any harm’ and, for a while, this may be true. But. If you attach the word ‘yet’ to that sentence then you have a very different scenario, don’t you? Just imagine that spider lying in wait for you to go to sleep. Then he’ll get you. Or maybe he’s waiting for you to turn your back. Then he’ll get you. Or maybe he’s waiting for you to get influenza again. Then he’ll get you. Anyone who tells you spiders aren’t going to do you any harm clearly hasn’t been harmed by a spider. Yet.

I’m sorry there are so few pictures of spiders in this reveiw but I just can’t tolerate them. I just can’t. I want to give spiders a negative mark in terms of everything there is but that wouldn’t be fair. 2/10 is alright in my books. 

gHost Post

Sorry it’s been so long! I was away learning new things. Without much ado here: this is a post about ghosts and I must tell you I was hesitant to write about ghosts because I am completely afraid of them.

There are a few types of different ghosts. Friendly ghosts, evil ghosts, and ghosts that just sort of do their own thing because they don’t want to be a bother to anyone. This third type of ghost doesn’t want to upset anyone and they will be quite happy just flitting about doing ghost stuff.

 If you have ghosts then you need to weigh up whether you should get rid of them or not. If they are friendly then they can be a boon to your family and can even entertain your friends. You could even use them for great pranks. However, if they are evil you should perhaps consider getting in somebody who can exorcise them as soon as possible. Usually a priest. If the priest gets to your door and says ‘woah! I feel a strong presence here, I can’t help you’ then you must go upstairs right then and pack your bag because it is time to go. Catch a lift with the priest but ask him to drop you off at a place of safety and not at the church.

If you are ever in a relationship with another person and the two of you share a place together, if one of the people is like ‘yo, there is a ghost in here, I saw it’. You should leave. I’ve seen it in movies. You should just leave. If you don’t, more odd stuff will start happening. Chairs will float about. Vases will be broken. Doors will slam. There will be thumping noises in the night which nobody can explain. Sometimes people will say ‘oh, no, it is just the wind, stop worrying about it, love’ and if you live with this kind of person you must leave them immediately and find a new person who understands ghosts and live with them instead. It will be better for you in the long run.

There are ways that you can get rid of ghosts yourself but I would recommend getting in a professional rather than running the risk of making your ghost angrier. If you want there are movies you can watch which will help you on the subject. Be careful to watch with the lights on. if you are wanting to do a horror marathon about ghosts then I think you should throw in a few friendly ghost movies to balance things out. Otherwise things might get too creepy.

You can try and communicate with the ghost. English might work but if the ghost is foreign you might have to get in a translator to help you out. You can also use an Ouija board because all ghosts speak Ouija. It’s like there thing. Invite some friends around when you do it and maybe get a cheese fondue, try and make a night of it. If the ghost does talk to you then you should ask it questions which only a ghost should know. That way you can know for sure it is actually a ghost and not just some demon or religious figure trying to have a laugh. You can maybe even ask the ghost to leave nicely in this way.

There is a large debate as to whether ghosts exist or not but I can tell you definitively that they do exist. It’s common sense. I haven’t seen a ghost myself but that’s no excuse not to believe it, hey. I mean you don’t see oxygen but you believe in that. you can’t see your money in the bank right now but you believe it’s there. So, yeah, ghosts are basically like that. when I eventually do see a ghost I’ll be like ‘yeah, well, I knew it but this is just vindication’.

Some particularly evil ghosts will try and possess people they come into contact and this is something you do not want, I’m telling you. You can know for sure if a person is possessed by checking whether they are doing things which are different to the normal things they used to do.

-          Does the person in question have a much deeper voice and yell ‘get out get out’ a lot?

-          Can the person levitate or float?

-          Does the person’s head sometimes spin around 360 degrees for no apparent reason?

If you know somebody who is doing this type of behaviour then you must start looking for somebody who can help you. Quickly.

Sometimes people will put on white sheets. These types of people are not ghosts they are just good-time pranksters. They are not possessed, I’ll tell you, just trying to have a laugh. We’ve all been there.

I don’t really know where to rate ghosts in terms of everthhing there is but I wouldn ever rank them low bcause that would probably offend them. So 8.3/10.

OMELates

omelates

firstly, omelates are food. they are made up of eggs and milk and water and fire. fire is a cattleist for makeing omelates, you culd say. When putting togethr a omleate you put other things in them to make them tast better. this is grate becuase you can make a savery omelate by putting bacon in or a steak OR you can make it a desert omelate by adding shugar or a chocolit. in-this-way, omelates are liek a blank slayte and have the potenshul to becom any numbr of delishus and tastey food items! Also, they are like stem sells which are sells that can becom any number of other types of sells like a liver or an hart. the difference between stem sells and omelates is that you donot need a microscop to see an omelate. Also, it does not cost you millins of dollers to cryogenikilley frize omelates becuase you can just them in a normal frij-freizer.

Omelates are prettystraight forword food. They are qwik and easy to maek which is grate for when you are on the run OR in big businiss. The world record for quickest omelate ever made was abowt 5 minutes, so work on +- ten minuts if yuo are new to th e kitchin.

almost semi-circel tiem!

Here is a guyd for makeing omelates:

      Ingredens:          2x eggs!

                                1x water

                                1x milk

                              +- salt & peppr

                                1x ingreden X

Now, don’t get frightinnd of ingredn X. Just don’t. Omelates are like maths becows it is almost liek an ekwayshin. You will go abowt making your omelate an d evenshlaly you decide what ingredn X is. The process of makeing an omelate is one of self-discoviry. You will find yourslf asking intense kweshuns. Do I want a savory omelate? Do I want a swete olmelate? That sort of thing. Ones you are finnished with your journey you will know what your ingredn X is. And then you must put it in.

So you break the eggs up into a contaner. Make sure you haven’t got eny shells in their becuws they tast ugly. Put the milk in with the eggs and mix it up. Add 1x dash of water. Keep stirring. hard. Evenshally what you have will be frothy and that is what you want. When you’ve got some froth, you add a pinsh of salt and a pinsh of peppr. This is opshinnil. Throughowt this process you;ll have bin talkin to yourself and by now you shud know what your ingreden X is. If you don’t no, then just put yuor mixture into the frij and go and sit and have a long hard think. when you come bak put ingredn X in!

You take your mixture now and put it in a pan on a stov. turn the stov onto ‘very hot’. Your mixture will start to get hot inturn. Get a spatchla and start flattining the mixture out so tha tit fills the pan well. you should have a circel shape going on. if you arent looking at a circel then, my frend, you arent looking at a omelate. Ones the mixture is starting to get a bit harder you slide the spatchla a bit under the ej and start to lift it a littel. Slowly tho becows the omelate is a tender and fickle food item and we dont want it to brek. If your omelate is solid enuf then you can fold the circel over at the middel to form what we in the busness call a ‘semi-circel’. Ones you’ve got the semi-circel under control, flip it arownd a bit just make sure it’s coked on both sides. That’s important. Otherwise it will tast bad. if you’ve flowed these instructins proplly then you shuld have a decent omelate in front of yuo.

Yem!

Omelates were first invented after they appeered to a young chef in one of his many food-theemd drem. Their was some rubbish about him being chased down a corridoor to, but that’s not importint. he woke up the next morning and rote down what would turn owt to be the resippy for omelates. Or at least that’s what ive been told. there can be no other logicall explaination. 

that's pretty much all their is to  no abowt omelates for now. if anything new happens in the feild i'll be sure to let you no of such interesting developmens. for review purposes im going to have to giev omelates about a 7 out of ten. they are good, but not grate. pizzas are better.