Spides

This is another tough reveiw for me because I do’nt like spiders. AT ALL. I hate them and; in fact, I think that it may just bais my review of them to some degree. Anyways, here goes.

My mom says that it’s “bad luck to kill a spider’ and I was look her dead in the eye and say ‘it is only bad luck for the spider”. In my honst opinion, the best way to apprecate spiders is once they’re dead. If a spider has been killd then it is no longer of any danger to you. one of the other good ways to view a spider is behind gloss because this creates a much safer environment in whici to watch a spider. Just don’t get too close.

There are lots of different kinds of spiders but they all share pretty common characteristics:

• 8 eyes
• 8 legs
• Make webs to catch food/people
• bad or evil
• hairy
• mostly Black (makes them very hard to see at night. this makes them serious nightmare fuel))
• no hearts..

Spiders can be as small as grain of dirt if they are still baby but some types of spiders can get to be dinner plate size in size. Some spiders are able to catch birds in their webs and will eat them. I’ve also heard it mentioned before that there are spiders capable of carrying of infant children but I cannot confirm or deny this. I can only remember this information if I ever have childrin one day.

Speaking of kids: Spiders can live for long periods of time and can breed prolifically if given the chance. My mom told me once that she once tried to move a spider out of the house with a broom and that spider had babies on its back and when that broom touched the spider in a COMPLETELY NON-THREATENING WAY it lost it and fired all of its babies into the air around her. So, yeah, that. If that happened  to me in my hosue, I would leave. A lot.

There are a few ways you can kill spiders:

Just trample it.!

If the spider is small then try stepping on it. Always wear a shoe when doing this because the spider might have some fight in him otherwise and will bite your foot. You don’t want this. If you’ve got the shoe, use the shoe. If it is ‘A LAST DITCH EFFORT’ and you aren’t waering shoes you may just have to risk being bit. Choose your least favorite foot in case the spider is poisonous.

There are types of spray which can kill spiders and these are nice because they can be used from a distance, a great distance. Guns can also be used from a distance and if the spider is quite big they can be used effectively. I don't know if spiders ever slep. i've never gotten close enough to check if their eyes are closed. I think they are always active because they know people are always trying to kill them.

Spiders tend to twitch when they are dying. Watch this closely until they stop. Do not look away.

If you can’t kill a spider then the best thing to do is avoid it. If the spider persists, you might have to leave the room. If the spider follows you, well then you have a spider who has a grudge and you may just have to leave that house and find a new one to live. I’m sorry. These things happen.

Some people will tell you that spiders are ‘not doing anyone any harm’ and, for a while, this may be true. But. If you attach the word ‘yet’ to that sentence then you have a very different scenario, don’t you? Just imagine that spider lying in wait for you to go to sleep. Then he’ll get you. Or maybe he’s waiting for you to turn your back. Then he’ll get you. Or maybe he’s waiting for you to get influenza again. Then he’ll get you. Anyone who tells you spiders aren’t going to do you any harm clearly hasn’t been harmed by a spider. Yet.

I’m sorry there are so few pictures of spiders in this reveiw but I just can’t tolerate them. I just can’t. I want to give spiders a negative mark in terms of everything there is but that wouldn’t be fair. 2/10 is alright in my books. 

gHost Post

Sorry it’s been so long! I was away learning new things. Without much ado here: this is a post about ghosts and I must tell you I was hesitant to write about ghosts because I am completely afraid of them.

There are a few types of different ghosts. Friendly ghosts, evil ghosts, and ghosts that just sort of do their own thing because they don’t want to be a bother to anyone. This third type of ghost doesn’t want to upset anyone and they will be quite happy just flitting about doing ghost stuff.

 If you have ghosts then you need to weigh up whether you should get rid of them or not. If they are friendly then they can be a boon to your family and can even entertain your friends. You could even use them for great pranks. However, if they are evil you should perhaps consider getting in somebody who can exorcise them as soon as possible. Usually a priest. If the priest gets to your door and says ‘woah! I feel a strong presence here, I can’t help you’ then you must go upstairs right then and pack your bag because it is time to go. Catch a lift with the priest but ask him to drop you off at a place of safety and not at the church.

If you are ever in a relationship with another person and the two of you share a place together, if one of the people is like ‘yo, there is a ghost in here, I saw it’. You should leave. I’ve seen it in movies. You should just leave. If you don’t, more odd stuff will start happening. Chairs will float about. Vases will be broken. Doors will slam. There will be thumping noises in the night which nobody can explain. Sometimes people will say ‘oh, no, it is just the wind, stop worrying about it, love’ and if you live with this kind of person you must leave them immediately and find a new person who understands ghosts and live with them instead. It will be better for you in the long run.

There are ways that you can get rid of ghosts yourself but I would recommend getting in a professional rather than running the risk of making your ghost angrier. If you want there are movies you can watch which will help you on the subject. Be careful to watch with the lights on. if you are wanting to do a horror marathon about ghosts then I think you should throw in a few friendly ghost movies to balance things out. Otherwise things might get too creepy.

You can try and communicate with the ghost. English might work but if the ghost is foreign you might have to get in a translator to help you out. You can also use an Ouija board because all ghosts speak Ouija. It’s like there thing. Invite some friends around when you do it and maybe get a cheese fondue, try and make a night of it. If the ghost does talk to you then you should ask it questions which only a ghost should know. That way you can know for sure it is actually a ghost and not just some demon or religious figure trying to have a laugh. You can maybe even ask the ghost to leave nicely in this way.

There is a large debate as to whether ghosts exist or not but I can tell you definitively that they do exist. It’s common sense. I haven’t seen a ghost myself but that’s no excuse not to believe it, hey. I mean you don’t see oxygen but you believe in that. you can’t see your money in the bank right now but you believe it’s there. So, yeah, ghosts are basically like that. when I eventually do see a ghost I’ll be like ‘yeah, well, I knew it but this is just vindication’.

Some particularly evil ghosts will try and possess people they come into contact and this is something you do not want, I’m telling you. You can know for sure if a person is possessed by checking whether they are doing things which are different to the normal things they used to do.

-          Does the person in question have a much deeper voice and yell ‘get out get out’ a lot?

-          Can the person levitate or float?

-          Does the person’s head sometimes spin around 360 degrees for no apparent reason?

If you know somebody who is doing this type of behaviour then you must start looking for somebody who can help you. Quickly.

Sometimes people will put on white sheets. These types of people are not ghosts they are just good-time pranksters. They are not possessed, I’ll tell you, just trying to have a laugh. We’ve all been there.

I don’t really know where to rate ghosts in terms of everthhing there is but I wouldn ever rank them low bcause that would probably offend them. So 8.3/10.